


you show me love (then spit in my face)

by gukkers



Series: when things blow up i close my eyes (i'm left with what i am) [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Absent Parent Philza Minecraft, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Family Dynamics, Feral TommyInnit (Video Blogging RFP), Gen, Good Older Sibling Wilbur Soot, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade Hears Voices (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade Tries (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Tommyinnit hears voices, for like a moment, he's just a kid and went through so much:(, kinda??? it's barely there sorry, surprise!!!, this is not a representation on his actual self it's just a /character/, yes i am a tommyinnit apologist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:54:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28878291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gukkers/pseuds/gukkers
Summary: Everyone had betrayed him, treating him as if he was undeserving of basic human decency. His friends pushed him aside, his family treating him as an afterthought.But not Cat and Mellohi, never them. They would never betray him. Not like everyone else.
Relationships: Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Series: when things blow up i close my eyes (i'm left with what i am) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2127522
Comments: 19
Kudos: 587
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	you show me love (then spit in my face)

**—**

  
  


He's Theseus Innit.

  
  


He's the adopted son of Philza Minecraft, the youngest of the three total children he has. His older siblings were a pair of twins– The Blood God, Technoblade, and The Poetic Charmer, Wilbur Soot.

  
  


He's also Tommy Innit.

  
  


He's the forgotten, often mocked member of the family. 

  
  


He didn't blame them for being left in the dark. He isn't a hybrid, like Technoblade, not kind and selfless enough like Philza Minecraft, and he definitely isn't able to put his thoughts into a beautiful string of flowery words like Wilbur Soot. Not effectively, at least, and it was widely unappreciated. No matter how hard he tried, he could never pull it off, always stuck in the shadow of his family. He only had his loud voice and even louder personality to make up his person, after many failed attempts to take after his family, his role models.

  
  


He hated it.

  
  


He hated every part of it. 

  
  


The daily comparisons of his character to his family. The backhanded compliments he would receive once in a blue moon. The pressure that laid heavy on his shoulders to meet the stupid expectations placed upon his shoulders. Watching the amount of work and effort he put into reworking himself to become _better_ , be _worthy of love_ , slip from his fingers time and time again.

  
  


The lack of reassurance he received from his supposed family. They weren't ones for reassurance, they were confident people after all. Tommy would only get off-handed compliments from them, and even then, it was rarer than whenever the people in town would compliment him.

  
  


(He hated how he would glow with pride and happiness whenever he would receive compliments, hated the way his heart flutters and his cheeks bloom a cherry red, but could you blame him? He's finally getting noticed and praised for being _himself_.)

  
  


But Tommy Innit was a fair, sensible man if he does say so himself. He's only fourteen, he'll be able to prove himself to the world soon. He has time; it would be him against the world.

  
  


**—**

_Poor little Tommy Innit. You want to be a hero so badly, then die like one!_

**—**

  
  


It had been a few days shy of turning fifteen when Tommy had met Tubbo. It was a chilly night, and the encounter could still be remembered as clear as crystal.

  
  


Tommy had been venturing in the dense forest alone, as he always did after another restless night when terrified screams filled the once silent, peaceful air. 

  
  


Initially, he had brushed it off and tried to walk away, mind conjuring up excuses to support the decision. Ultimately, curiosity –and the small inkling of worry in him– had gotten the better of him, and the tall, fourteen-year-old boy found himself making his way to the origin of the shouts. At the base of a tree, hidden behind tall grass, was a boy, shorter than he was, pathetically trying to fend off a zombie with a stick.

  
  


He had called it pity then, for the other had looked so much like a puppy pushed into a corner, and that it would be heartless to ignore such an embarrassing sight. 

  
  


(He ignores the voice that hopes his father would be proud of him for stepping into a dangerous situation to help a stranger)

  
  


Tommy unsheathed his iron axe, rushing toward the zombie with a war cry. He managed to land a strike on the back turned to him, grunting as he struggled to pull his axe back out initially. He didn't allow time for the zombie to fully turn and start his assault on him, landing two quick hits in succession. He had grinned proudly when puffs of white appeared, zombie flesh in place of the angered zombie.

  
  


(He ignores the voice that hopes for Techie's approval in his fight, how he had fended off and bested a zombie without it harming him or the stranger he had saved)

  
  


The crunch of leaves that cut through his silent air of triumph caused him to still. Right, Tommy wasn't alone. He just saved someone. A stranger… another weird sense of pride warmed his body in the cold night. 

  
  


When he turns, they make eye contact. Bright blue eyes unflinchingly met with tired, terrified blue eyes.

  
  


Now, Tommy wasn't clueless, the kid in front of him was scared shitless, and his performance earlier probably didn't help. He kept his axe in his inventory and kept his hands in front of him, a silent reassurance that he wouldn't pull anything against the other.

  
  


"Well, uh, this is awkward… I'm Tommy Innit, I heard your screams and stepped in out of impulse, really, when I saw what was happening. Uh, are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?" He was cautious, speaking softly to not scare off the stranger in front of him.

  
  


(He ignores the voice that hopes Wilby would be proud of him for not being loud and didn't use his usual choice of words and scare away the kid)

  
  


He shifted in place when the silence dragged on, although it probably had been just a few seconds. Soft disappointed sigh leaving his lips, he turns to leave, head ducking as a final farewell when a body barrels into his. Wind knocked out of him, he stared incredulously at the brunette who had buried his face in his chest. Panic ensued, and Tommy's arms were suspended in the air, unsure of what he should do now.

  
  


"Uh-"

  
  


"Thank you." A muffled voice interrupted him, and Tommy watched the other boy shift his head to look up at him. His confused blue eyes met the other's thankful blue eyes.

  
  


Slightly uncomfortable from the prolonged contact, he gently shrugged off the arms from around him, smiling awkwardly. Thankfully, the brunette hadn’t taken any offence and instead stood tall in front of him, eyes sparkling with admiration and gratefulness.

  
  


"I'm Tubbo! I got lost in the forest earlier this afternoon and didn't realise it had become night until the zombie caught me off guard." The shorter boy laughs. "You were so cool! You didn't even give him a chance to bite you!"

  
  


Tommy puffs out his chest and places his hands at his waist, cockiness exuding off of him in waves after having his ego stroked.

  
  


"Yeah, well, I'm just that good, you know." He beams, showing off his pointy, pearly white teeth, before asking the question on his mind. "'Sides that, how did you even get lost in the first place?"

  
  


"Oh, I was following a bee!"

  
  


"You, hah, what? You got lost and almost died because of a stupid bee?"

  
  


"Wha- Yeah! It was a cute bee! Get off my case, Mr Conveniently-in-the-woods-at-midnight."

  
  


An indignant squawk fills the air, bright laughter following suit.

  
  


"THAT'S SUCH A STUPID NAME!"

  
  
  
  
  
  


Needless to say, the two of them were inseparable after. His family had dubbed them as the clingy duo, and without fail, Tommy would retort and say that Tubbo was the clingier one of the two. No one had the heart to disagree, especially not Tubbo, himself, not when it's so glaringly obvious how more at peace he was with his partner in crime by his side. After fourteen years, Tommy finally had someone who saw him as his own person.

  
  


But of course, nothing ever stays good for poor little Tommy Innit.

  
  


**—**

_Dream, please detain and escort Tommy, out of my country._

**—**

  
  


It didn't even take long for the rumours to start brewing. Outsiders take a look at their bond, seeing how they were practically attached at the hip and came to their own conclusions. Some say that the blonde was threatening the other for the brunette's companionship, some say that the older's loyalty to the younger was due to his family paying him hourly, the poor father probably begged him not to leave the lonely boy's side. However, the general consensus was the same, everyone pitied Tubbo for having to deal with Tommy and his antics daily.

  
  


Tommy wasn't stupid, wasn't oblivious like how everyone seemed to assume he was. He knew that Tubbo was too good for him, especially having to deal with his admittedly audacious nature, but he was selfish. He had no qualms admitting to that. 

  
  


Anger had burned bright in him when he first heard of said rumours, how dare they spout bullshit about their friendship? They don't even know Tommy, never once have they even tried to, and now they were acting as though they know him personally? Fuck that, and fuck them.

  
  


But as fast as the flames of anger had licked his insides, it was soon doused by a flood of doubt and uncertainty. What if Tubbo was only staying with him out of obligation, as a way to repay him for that fateful night? What if the times when he was annoying to him, more so than usual, and it led to Tubbo having a grudge against him? (That was a lie he knows Tubbo wasn't like that as a person) It could be his family, dad had met him when he stumbled home noisily that night with Tubbo in tow after the latter had slipped up and said he didn't have anywhere to go. Dad probably asked Tubbo to stay with him, since he, Techie and Wilby don't want to won't can't be there for Tommy all the time. 

  
  


It had been another sleepless night, with his insecurity poisoning every thought in his mind. At 11 pm, Tommy finds himself tiptoeing as stealthily as possible through the hallways to the front door to go for his much-needed walk, desperate to calm himself and his overactive mind. He hides behind walls, eyeing his surroundings to ensure that he doesn't get caught since he wasn't _really_ allowed to after he admitted fighting off a zombie in a forest that was probably infested with other mobs during his night out.

  
  


So good so far. He made sure to choose a path away from the creaky floorboards in the living room and he was so close, his hand was wrapped around the door handle. He was so, so close, to feel the familiar cold night breeze hit his face… until a warm hand clamped down on his shoulder.

  
  


"Toms? What do you think you're doing?"

  
  


That sounds like Wilby.

  
  


Oh fuck, Wilbur had caught him. He slowly turns around under his arm, eyes nervously meeting his older brother's questioning eyes.

  
  


"Hey Wilbur!" he grins, acting as if he wasn't caught mid-sneaking out. "What are you doing up so late? Oh, did big brother Wilby have a nightmare and need big man Tommy to cheer him up?" 

  
  


Wilbur rolled his eyes, and with just that Tommy wilted under him, knowing he was caught red-handed in his lie. Sighing defeatedly, he moves to sit on the couch, knowing his brother would follow suit after him. Of all people to have caught him sneaking out, it just had to be his only protective big brother.

  
  


"Sorry for trying to sneak out," he mumbles as he wrings his hands together. 

  
  


He feels more than sees Wilbur take a seat next to him, and the arm that wraps itself around his shoulder has him leaning into his brother's side unconsciously. Another long, tired sigh leaves his mouth, and the words start to spill out of his mouth.

  
  


"I just needed to get out, my head just wouldn't fucking shut up. Just… I don't know if Tubbo actually likes me or if he's being friends with me out of pity, you know? I know, I hear what people say about me. 'Oh that poor lad, having to deal with the demon incarnate, being friends with him must be so difficult.'," Tommy laughs bitterly and when his brother's hold on him tightens, he paid no mind to it as he continues.

  
  


"I know I'm not likeable, okay? I fucking know that, I've been told that the past fifteen years of my entire fucking life! Then when I get a friend, someone who likes me for _me_ , I get demonised? I get mocked and shit? Get told that it's not permanent? I _know_ Tubbo's too good for me, it's fucking common sense, but why can't I have a friendship? Why won't they allow me to be a kid?"

  
  


He brings his hands up to wipe angrily at the salty tears streaming from his eyes, curling into himself. He sobs his heart out as his feelings finally caught up to him, heart hurting so _bad_ but he felt so _light_ after being able to release the pent up anger, fear, and sadness in him. The previous energy he had while throwing up all that information has been sapped out instantaneously, and he could feel his eyes drooping, on the verge of falling asleep.

  
  


"I just… I want to be worthy of love, just once…" He breathes, before succumbing to sleep.

  
  
  
  
  
  


When he wakes up, he's immediately greeted with the painful throbbing in his eyes. He curses, palms pressing over his closed eyes as if it could alleviate the pain. Goodness, that was the last time he fell asleep immediately after crying his eyes out, the morning after fucking _sucked_. He finally opens his eyes after a few minutes and freezes at the sight that greeted him.

  
  


Guitar against the wall, a tall coat rack that just had multiple coats of the same shade hanging off of it, the posters of well-known musicals on the walls… This was definitely not Tommy's room. It was Wilbur's.

  
  


At that realisation, memories of the previous night flooded his head. He was sneaking out, Wilbur had caught him, he poured all his insecurities out for him to judge and- fuck. Tommy had fucked up. With a groan, he pushed himself up and out of bed, he needed to find his brother and reassure him that he's fine, a big man that is truly a-okay, that last night had been a fluke, a moment of weakness that was not how he truly felt, surely not.

  
  


In his haste, he stumbles over his feet and fell against the cream coloured wall, wincing more at the sound produced than the pain. Before he could even recover, the door to Wilbur's room opened. Lo and behold, the owner of the room stood in the doorway with worry painted on his face.

  
  


"Toms? Tommy, are you okay, I heard a thud and came as fast as I could," he rushes out, appearing at his little brother's side. Concerned eyes ran over his body, checking for any bumps or scratches.

  
  


"I'm fine, Wilby," the nickname slips out to reassure his brother, small smile on his face. "Listen, about last night-"

  
  


"Oh right, about that." Wilbur interrupts, ignoring Tommy's annoyed glare. "Pack your bags, we're going on a vacation! Me, you and Tubbo, the three musketeers!"

  
  


Wilbur's enthusiasm was met with confused silence before a loud shout of disbelief pierced his ears. How he envied Techno and Phil– who were currently out on an expedition together– they didn't have to hear Tommy's unholy screeching the entire day as he demanded answers and explanations.

  
  


Two months after his fifteenth birthday, Tommy finds himself comforted by the presence of his brother and best friend as they travel across the Esempii lands. They experienced the unbearable humid heat of the deserts, the cold, silky environment of the swamps, and the pride and love for a country they founded together.

  
  


Their L'manburg. 

  
  


**—**

_It was just never meant to be._

**—**

  
  


Pogtopia was barren and cold. No matter how many times Tommy has tried to decorate their ravine, it would still be so empty and void of life, dull and unwelcoming.

  
  


It wasn't supposed to be like this. It was one per cent. That one fucking per cent led to him and his brother to be forced out of the country that they _founded_. What a fucking joke, who does that?

  
  


Oh right. Schlatt.

  
  


He was supposed to be on their side. Why did he… He reassured them that he would stick with them.

  
  


**_We can't trust anybody. Only Wilby, Techie, Dad and Bee._ **

  
  


That was another new addition, or rather, additions that Tommy has to confront, as if the recent fuckfest wasn't enough. He's beginning to hear voices, becoming prominent after the stupid Pet War he had against Sapnap. He noticed they seemed to come and go, and sometimes, they sounded weak, while others, like now, were practically reverberating in his mind. He had freaked when he first heard them, their voices loud and demanding caused a deep-rooted instinct within him to yell at him to find a place to hide, to _protect_. 

  
  


He didn't understand then, but he isn't as clueless now. His voices, they had names– Cat and Mellohi. The same names as his two precious discs that seemingly everyone wanted to get their disgusting, grubby hands on. They were helpful sometimes, warning him of a certain attack that could leave him critically injured during a battle, warning him when a certain green-clad man would approach him, but oftentimes they served as a distraction, poking fun at him, encouraging him during tough periods, soothing him with melodious words when everything became too much.

  
  


Tommy had experienced the feelings of his discs, his voices, and oftentimes they were shared. Perhaps he had been projecting his feelings and they were amplified through their voices, or his discs were truly sentient and understood how he felt, and felt with him. As such, he has heard the voices express their waves of sadness, anger, disbelief and happiness but he has never heard them sound so… broken. That sucked to hear, even if they were only voices in Tommy's head.

  
  


He got up from where he was seated previously, where he had been watching the furnaces to ensure his potatoes didn't burn, and towards Wilbur's room. He paused before he could knock, hand frozen in the air. Wilbur had retired early today, and honestly speaking… he hasn't been the same person that Tommy knew from when they first created L'manburg. The difference was unnerving and Tommy was beginning to be on high alert around his brother and his actions.

  
  


With a sigh, he turns and instead decides to make his way to the nether portal, stepping through it with a deep breath. The excruciatingly hot air immediately made him swear and tug off his sweater. He takes a seat on the netherrack closeby to the portal, allowing the cries of ghasts and grunts of the pigmen and piglin alike to wash over him and his worries. Tommy pulls his knees up to his chest, resting his head on them. The voices have gotten quieter, but they were still repeating the same sentence over and over again.

  
  


"This is so fucked." Tommy grumbles, glaring at the lava beneath him. "It's war after war after war. I'm only fucking sixteen." 

  
  


"That is true. It's unfortunate that you had to grow up knowing only war." 

  
  


Tommy shot up at the new voice and catches sight of Technoblade, who was leaning against the obsidian blocks. He was still in his regal, royal outfit– Arctic Empire, the voices whimper, the one they made without you and Wilby– and was looking like a rightful pompous bastard. With a roll of his eyes, Tommy returns to his previous position, eyes returned to longingly stare at the lava.

  
  


"Aren't you supposed to be with da- Philza or some shit? Why are you here in Pogtopia?" 

  
  


When Technoblade took a seat next to him, Tommy acted indifferent, as though his estranged brother's presence did not nerve him at all. Though, he guesses he wasn't as good at hiding his emotions as he thought when he spoke up, guilt weighing heavy on his words.

  
  


"Look, Tommy… I know that I haven't been a good brother to you or Wilbur, and that I was always gone since we were young. Heck, I think I've only seen you for a total of three times, including right now, since you've turned fifteen." His sad ruby eyes watched his younger brother for his reaction. "... You've grown up so well, baby brother."

  
  


Tommy stayed silent, curled into himself still. He was speechless, after all, what should he say to that?

  
  


"Wilbur had sent a letter to the Empire, and I'm practically caught up with everything that you guys have gone through. I'm sorry you had to go through all that." His brother tries again, but the awkwardness in his voice was so incredibly obvious. "... Look, Tommy, I'm trying to make amends between us, if you would at least just say something so we could-"

  
  


"Have… Have you ever heard voices that aren't yours, Technoblade?" He was so tired, and the Nether was so warm. He doesn't think he'll mind if he falls asleep right then and there.

  
  


"Well, yeah, Tommy, that's called your consciousness." And there was the witty remark, classic Technoblade.

  
  


"No, you oaf! I'm talking like voices that aren't yours! Voices that plague your mind every day, and you just… don't know how to fix it!" 

  
  


… He's been silent for a while now. Tommy lifts his head to look at his brother for the first time since he had made himself known, and was surprised to see him shocked speechless. Huh. That's new.

  
  


"... forget about it, big man. Don't exhaust yourself with overthinking with that small brain of yours." Tommy cracks a joke as a pitiful attempt to reassure the other yet stopped when a hand wraps itself around his wrist.

  
  


"You… You can't fix the voices, Tommy. Trust me, I've tried." Voice gravelly and solemn, Technoblade made a point to make eye contact with Tommy, never breaking it once. "It's time I told you about a secret of mine, a deeply guarded family secret.

  
  


I have voices in my head, have had them since I knew how to fight. I don't know what yours do, but they actively look and yearn for blood. Their go-to phrases are 'Anarchy' and 'Blood for the Blood God'," he laughs bitterly, looking off to the side for a moment before resuming eye contact. "When I was your age, I couldn't suppress them anymore and decided to please them. So, one night, I ventured into the forest and started massacring each and every mob that dared to approach me. I returned home the next morning bloodied and so incredibly pleased and relaxed.

  
  


Phil caught me. Said it wasn't the safest way to tame the voices so he suggested travelling to find a solution. That's when we started going on long expeditions, and I indulged myself in anarchy– tearing down corrupt governments and clearing every dungeon I come across."

  
  


Tommy's eyes widened at that information. "But wait, don't people call you-" 

  
  


"The Blood God? Yeah, they didn't really know that it was more of a uh.. sacrificial act, or an act of appeasement, if you will. I never bother to correct them." Technoblade let his hand fall from Tommy's wrist, instead, he leans back on his elbows. "I looked up gods after that. Did tons of research, and found that there was a group of Gods, but they've become so irrelevant that no one really knows them now. There are old scriptures, runes, heck, apparently the squiggles on the obsidian aren't random but had meaning to them, once upon a time."

  
  


With that, he pushed himself up and ruffled Tommy's hair, laughing when the younger swat his hand away with a loud protest. "Don't worry too much over it, Toms. I don't think your small brain can cope with it."

  
  


He leaves with a boisterous laugh, walking into the portal and leaving Tommy on the ground still. He stares at the portal, or more specifically, the obsidian, and sighs. 

  
  


"A forgotten god can't run my life worse than I am running it now, I don't think." he hums as a small smile tugged on his lips.

  
  


Maybe change isn't all too bad.

  
  


**—**

_I've only been seen as a weapon to you, Tommy!_

**—**

  
  


I can't hear myself think, can't even feel anything anymore.

  
  


Cat and Mellohi are loud, so loud.

  
  


… Wilbur. Where's Wilbur?

  
  


There was an earthquake… and then, explosions… Philza. Philza Minecraft came.

  
  


He stood with Wilbur. Relief flooded me. My dearest big brother is going to be saved! By our dad, no less!

  
  


… What? Why did Wilby give dad his sword? What are they talking about?

  
  
  


Cat, Mellohi, why are you both so antsy? It's dad! He wouldn't do anything to Wil–

  
  


… No. Nonononononononononono

  
  


NO! That didn't happen! It didn't! 

  
  


Blood was dripping from the tip of the blade. I watched my brother slump into our father's waiting arms.

  
  


What the fuck? My throat, it hurts, it's so hoarse. When did I start screaming alongside my discs?

  
  


I'm being pulled, it's Technoblade. I still have my other brother, he's still safe. Thank god.

  
  


Wait… why does he have soulsand? Blood… for the Blood God? Techie?

  
  


He spawned withers. Told me to die. Left me for dead as he spouted some bullshit about anarchy and governments.

  
  


… This is not my family. Surely not.

  
  


I don't even have Tubbo anymore. He's with Schlatt, I can tell. He's been so shifty lately. It makes sense.

  
  


It's time for me to step up to the plate. I need to go somewhere safe, with Cat and Mellohi. They won't betray me, won't wish for my death like my ~~family friends~~ acquaintances. 

  
  


I only have them. I'm safe with them.

  
  


They screwed me over. They fucked me up. 

  
  


I'm gonna get my fucking revenge. Tear the whole fucking world apart until they understand how I feel. 

  
  


Me against the world. Tommy Innit against the world.

  
  


Technoblade ~~that fucking traitor~~ had talked about gods, right?

  
  


Well, god has a lot to answer for, and my rebellion will continue until he does so.

**Author's Note:**

> speedran this 4k fic and now im tired,,, hngggg my bold and italic lines i will fix u asap in the morning
> 
> UPDATE ITS THE NEXT DAY AT 2ISH PM!! WE WON THE DISC WARRR  
> also, i finally managed to fix my fic!! 
> 
> if u enjoyed, please leave comments and/or kudos!! have a good one <3


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